Tag: berrypastelrainbowcy

Camellia: Really!? That exists!? Please daddy can I have that! Pretty please! I’m so sure that this is what I want. 

Seeing him crack that smile… I knew for sure he was sure. He looked so happy to finally let everything out, and with the idea of being the boy he wanted to be… How could I say no when it made him thrilled like that? My kids were all growing up. As much as I wanted them to, thinking it would be easier. I missed them all being toddlers. But they couldn’t stay that way forever.

Wisteria: Of course sweetie. Gum and I will discuss it, but I know he will say yes. We’ll get everything sorted out don’t you worry.

Wisteria: Well that boy is dumb, and not right for my little boy anyway.

Cam cracked a bit of a smile when I called him a boy. It made the tension ease up a whole lot but he still wasn’t happy, I could tell.

Wisteria: We still need to talk more about this… are you 100% positive this is what you want Cam? You have time to change your mind, I just want to make sure you are doing this for you and not for some boy.

Camellia: This is what I want daddy. I think I’ve always known I wanted to be a boy… 

He sighed and went on to tell me that after the incident with his crush he got sent to a guidance counselor who tried to explain to him that this was just a phase, he would grow out of it, and that “Little girls were too young to make these kinds of decisions.” That was all bull to me. You are never too young to figure out who you are.

Wisteria: Alright, if you’re sure there are steps we can take. If you want we can pull you out of that school, that counselor sounds like a crook anyway. Or we can just tell the school the gender you want… 

I paused the next part was hard for me, and rather final.

Wisteria: There is also something called… testosterone. We can get you some of it, it’ll suppress your female hormones.

Camellia: No it’s not that it’s just… I have this crush on this boy at school..

Again it took me a minute to process this. For a moment I wondered if Cam just thought he was a boy because he thought it was weird for a girl to like a boy. There were plenty of people in the world who liked the opposite sex. They weren’t common, and society wasn’t all the way caught up with the idea yet but… it wasn’t weird. But I knew that wasn’t the case. Cam had his heart set on this feeling, and he had said he felt this way before school even started.

My next thought however… what was my little boy doing having a crush so early! But I couldn’t keep thinking of him as my little baby forever, he was growing up, and he had just made the most grown up decision anyone could make. I had to start treating him less like an innocent child.

Wisteria: Oh I see, I guess you told him how you felt?

Camellia: Yea… I was brave and told him I liked him, but he said it was weird for a girl to like a boy, and when I told him I wasn’t a girl he laughed and called me a freak… So I thought… maybe I am?

Wisteria: You know honey, I’m not going to love you any less even though you don’t want to be my little girl anymore. You’re still my child, and that’s all that matters to me.

Camellia: Really? You don’t think I’m a freak?

Wisteria: No of course not Cam!

Camellia: Promise?

Wisteria: Promise! What brought that thought on? Was it cus I seemed shocked? I was just surprised that’s all.

Camellia: I’m not your princess, I’m not your little girl either! I don’t want to be anyone’s girl!

Wisteria: I… how long have you felt like this?

Camellia: For a while… even before school started. I didn’t understand at first, I… I felt like a freak, and no one here would understand it, I hid it, but I can’t anymore. I’m too uncomfortable with everything to hold it in anymore!

Wisteria: Cam…

Camellia: Don’t bother, I know you and papa wouldn’t understand… Just don’t call me Princess anymore okay?

It came as a shock to me. My little girl… she didn’t want to be my little girl anymore. It took a few moments for it to sink in, I know I wasn’t handle it how she…. how he wanted me to handle it. He hadn’t given me enough time to let things settle, but I suppose I understood. Cam had been holding it in for so long, he just wanted things to change to the way he wanted things to be so he could go back to being comfortable. I was just at a loss for words at this moment. I wish I had figured it out sooner so I could help him with this. I suppose having four kids before him didn’t make the whole parenting thing any easier…

Camellia: It just made everything worse daddy! I couldn’t take it anymore, it had to go!

Wisteria: Made what worse Princess? I don’t understand…

Camellia: Ug, don’t call me that anymore! I don’t want to be a princess.

Wisteria: Cam sweetie… tell me what’s going on, you always loved me calling you princess…

Camellia: No I didn’t, I just pretended to like it cus you and papa liked it… but I don’t.