Tag: berrypastelrainbowcy

Camellia: Everything is fine… this is okay right? This is who you are… sigh who am I kidding…

Everything wasn’t fine. I couldn’t tell it then, but after a week of Cam being at school her mood just dropped. The longer it went on, the lower it became. I couldn’t understand what was going on, none of the kids seemed to be having the kind of problem she was having. It wasn’t until this moment that I really knew something was wrong.

Foxglove: What’s wrong Cam? You’ve been quiet and you’re never quiet.

Camellia: It’s… nothing, just don’t worry about it okay?

Foxglove: Of course I’m going to worry about it silly, you’re my little sister!

Camellia: Right… I guess I am… sigh I just don’t like school, that’s all.

Foxglove: That’s all? I mean Folly doesn’t like it either, but she lets everyone know that she doesn’t.

I thought parenting would get easier once Camellia had her birthday and all the kids could practically care for themselves. But things didn’t exactly turn out that way… Cam’s childhood actually made things a lot more difficult. But… it was definitely a learning experience for us.

Wisteria: Now Princess, are you going to tell daddy why you decided to tear off your clothes and run around in your diaper?

Camellia: Clothes stupid! 

Wisteria: I know they can be annoying sometimes honey, but you have to wear them it’s inappropriate not to.

Camellia: What ina… inapopeat

Bubblegum: Uh-oh Fox, looks like you’re staying home with daddy today. 

Foxglove: But papa! There is a really awesome field trip today, I can’t miss it!

Bubblegum: I’m sorry Fox, but you can’t go when you’re feeling like this. Whatever it is, we’ll take you to see it another day.

Foxglove: Fine…

Jelly: It’s about time you actually start paying attention to her…

I don’t think anyone actually understood my hesitance…Though I didn’t even understand it myself really. Camellia didn’t deserve the lack of attention I gave her, but it was just hard. What if Mac had been her father? How different would she have been? How different would the twins have been? For a while I guess I just started wondering if it was the right thing to do, moving on from Macaron’s death. I know he wanted it, and I do love Gum. But I just ended up having a moment of guilt. It wasn’t healthy to carry it around, it took some time, and convincing of myself, but the guilt did pass. As much as I missed Macaron, my kids were my life, and there was no point in trying to rewrite it.